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Savage Love: Boy Trouble

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Maybe I’m behind the times—maybe I just don’t get this “online relationship” stuff—but I don’t think two people who’ve never met in real life (IRL) should be planning a future together. Attraction is about more than just shared interests, emotional compatibility, and kinks in common. There’s an ephemeral, unquantifiable aspect to attraction, something that can only be established when you’re face-to-face/tongue-to-tongue with someone. Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t think you can know for sure that it’s love—a love worth moving across the country for—until you’ve tasted each other’s spit.
Don’t get me wrong: I think it’s great that you two got together, FURFAG, and I don’t doubt that there’s a real connection. One of the wonderful things about the internet is the way it brings people with rare kinks together. And sometimes people with uncommon kinks have to go to uncommon lengths to be together—which can include taking a big risk like moving across the country to be with the furfag of your dreams.

But before you do that—or before you let him do that—you need to meet in person at least once to establish that (1) you’re actually in love with each other, and (2) you’re actually into men. You can’t resolve those doubts until you’ve acknowledged them, FURFAG, which means a truth-telling, doubts-airing, non-role-playing Skype session is in order.

I’m a 19-year-old gay guy in a relationship with an 18-year-old gay guy (for nearly four years). My boyfriend and I have a good sex life, but I rarely get to top him. We’re both versatile on paper, but the actual act of getting penetrated is almost always painful or uncomfortable for my boyfriend, even with plenty of lubrication and preparation. I’m frustrated because I know it’s not his fault, but I sometimes feel that he isn’t putting in enough effort to try to bottom for me. Additionally, it’s hard for me to understand how he feels because bottoming is never painful for me, and I enjoy it a lot. We’ve discussed the possibility of me topping another guy (alone or in a threesome), and he isn’t opposed to the idea, but I’d much rather it be him. Is there any way we can make bottoming pleasurable for him?
Ready To Top

The best way to determine if your boyfriend is a natural-born top—not into getting fucked, never will be into getting fucked—is to sideline your dick for the time being. Explore his ass, and his capacity to experience anal pleasure, without fucking him. Get some small anal toys that aren’t designed for in-and-out play, RTT, but set-and-forget play—a few butt plugs, one or two small vibrating eggs. Pop one in his ass and then let him fuck yours. If you can take the pressure off your boyfriend while getting a toy in him, RTT, he may begin to associate having something in his ass with pleasure. If he can do that, he may be able to graduate to your cock. Good luck.

I’m a 21-year-old gay boy with a kinky side that I keep pretty private. (Total twink—you wouldn’t know what I’m into by looking at me.) I went to London in June to get with a guy who has an amazing dungeon. I spent a week being his slave boy and getting tied up and caged, and I had a blast. He posted some pictures of me to his porny Tumblr, which I was okay with, but some gossipy vanilla boys I go to school with recognized me even though my face was blurred out. NO! What do I say to them?!?
Kinked Twink

“I had a blast.”

This week on the Savage Lovecast: When gays ATTACK! Find it at savagelovecast.com.

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