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Swiss Army Robot

Gay wizards stirring up marriage equality and superstorms

So where’s all this sanctity I keep hearing about?

It all comes down to equality and insecurity. People are against gay marriage mostly because they feel it lessens the value of their own marriage. Guess what — your marriage is unimportant. It’s none of my business who you sex up at night (and I certainly don’t care that you’re registered at Target, newlyweds. Go buy your own fucking shit).

Legalize gay marriage and you’ll actually find that most homosexuals don’t even want to tie the knot (they really just want to combine their love of parties and decorating). Can you blame them? I don’t think I’m all on my own in this, but

I honestly think that all these Republicans yelling about the “sanctity of marriage” are really just gay spies trying to protect their awesome promiscuous lifestyle from the ravages of marriage “equality.” It would certainly explain why they keep getting caught in scandal-making homosexual rendezvous.

Even those who allegedly hate homosexuality should be working to legalize gay unions. I mean if you really want to stop two people from giving each other blowjobs I can think of no better institution than marriage to accomplish this feat.

There’s no magic in that bedroom.

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