Food & Drink
The Year in Drunk: 8 hazy recollections of 2013
Published: December 23, 2013
The sloppiest celebrations of alcohol in 2013.
8) “Drunk Last Night” – Eli Young Band
Normally, when you want to talk about alcohol in pop culture, you go straight to the country charts. But this year, they were all too busy getting stoned to write a proper drinking anthem. Seriously, if you want to burn one down, the genre’s breakout stars Kacey Musgraves, Brandy Clark and Ashley Monroe all have great weed songs out this year. Even this hit by the Eli Young Band seems remorseful with its “I swear it’s the last time every time, don’t know why” whining. If your jam is feeling bad about boozing, for my money, I’d turn to Pistol Annies’ lovely, heartbreaking “Dear Sobriety” off this year’s Annie Up. Not near the hit “Drunk Last Night” is, but beats it in lyrics, singing and instrumentation.
7) Man on Trial for Selling Fake Wine to Rich Idiots
Let’s all leave a little in our glass for Rudy Kurniawan. He may not have participated in any drunken stunts this year, but he did make millions selling fake super-rare fine wine to people like William Koch (yes, that Koch). His defense claimed that Kurniawan was himself duped and was from a wealthy Chinese family, but that won’t stop sites like Gawker from canonizing him for his role in what the Times called “a display in how people assign value to things they do not even understand.”
6) Drunk A&M Girls Interrupt Reporter
They had me at “Johnny Football, wooooo!” When people call Southern women “steel magnolias” surely they’re referring to these two shiny-haired, expertly eye-linered, fur vest-wearing Texas A&M co-eds who had the cojones to crash a hapless reporter’s pre-game spot before the Aggies’ Cowboys stadium game against Oklahoma University on January 4. Props to the awkward reporter for quickly turning it into a “(wo)man on the street” interview with the wasted chicks, as his anchorwoman howled with laughter back at her desk for Dallas’ CBS 21. Their insights were few (“I know Johnny Football!” and “We have always been great, in this, like, SEC”), their handbags impressive and their balance questionable (I’m pretty sure the blond one stumbled off camera), but as Johnny Reporter concluded, “I think that was perfectly fine, I think they were in their right mind, nothing wrong with that at all.”
> Email Callie Enlow