Fast Foodie: Fattboy Burgers & Dogs

So yes, I ordered rings and got fries, I asked for grilled onions and grilled mushrooms as toppings and got “All The Way” with the addition of mayo, ketchup, mustard, lettuce, tomatoes, and pickles … and still I’d go back for more. With one exception: I would go full-Fatt. It must have been an excess of caution that gripped me momentarily, but I ordered the quarter-pound Slimmboy with bacon, not the half-pound Fattboy. Mistake.

Here’s why: The hand-formed Angus patty has robust flavor, but it can’t stand up to the onslaught of ATW; the toppings just take over. (They also soak the bottom half of the toasty bun, a situation that upping the burger weight won’t resolve — though moving some of the toppings to the actual top might.) Regardless, it was a tasty mouthful, the bacon was worth the splurge, and ATW might just be the way to go, despite initial misgivings. Other free toppings include relish (maybe on a Fattdog), grilled jalapeños, and both A1 and barbecue sauce. Of these, only the grilled ’peños might be a welcome addition to a burger. (There are both Slimm and FattChicks of fresh chicken breast with the same basic format.) For an additional charge, the likes of avocado and Fatt ranch are available, but we say no: Fatt farm is already looming as it is.

Of course I kept the misdirected fries while waiting for the rings to be (cheerfully) delivered. They were good, only moderately limp, and well-seasoned. But the equally well-seasoned rings were a knockout. Glossy, crunchy to a fault, and with salt and pepper were almost over the top — but they were also finished to the last crumb of coating. If I remember correctly, they were 50 cents more as a part of a lunch special. Well worth it.

So, next time I’m going truly all the way: Fattburger with both bacon and cheese, All The Way with added jalapeños, the rings … and maybe, just maybe, something evil from the ice cream menu. Why stop?