Beaches Be Trippin\': Five Texas Coast Spots Worth the Drive

Beaches Be Trippin': Five Texas Coast Spots Worth the Drive

Arts & Culture: Let’s face it, most of us Lone Stars view the Texas coast as a poor man’s Waikiki. Hell, maybe just a poor man’s Panama Beach — only to be used... By Callie Enlow 7/10/2013
Best Bookstore

Best Bookstore

Best of SA 2013: 4/24/2013
Chris Pérez, Selena’s Husband, Faces His Past and Looks Forward, Musically

Chris Pérez, Selena’s Husband, Faces His Past and Looks Forward, Musically

Music: Chris Pérez never saw it coming. “All I ever wanted to do was play guitar,” he told the Current. “I never thought I’d be the subject of an interview... By Enrique Lopetegui 8/28/2013
Easy Green: 10 quick ways to make money in college

Easy Green: 10 quick ways to make money in college

College Issue 2014: Sell clothes. Plato’s Closet is a great place to take your gently worn apparel in exchange for cold, hard cash. They accept clothes, shoes and... By Brittany Minor 8/18/2014
A Small Slice of San Anto’s Spooky Haunts

A Small Slice of San Anto’s Spooky Haunts

Arts & Culture: San Antonio is one of the oldest cities in the United States, and its history stretches long before the people behind the American or Texas Revolutions... By Mark Reagan 10/15/2014

Search hundreds of restaurants in our database.

Search hundreds of clubs in our database.

Follow us on Instagram @sacurrent

Print Email

College Guide

The archetypal students, and how to handle them

Photo: , License: N/A

The Bro-Dog

Photo: , License: N/A

The Enlightened One

Common question: "What does it all mean?"
Academic habits: Does fairly well, despite irritating professors with monologues and contrarianism. Didn't get into Princeton because his application essays were "too controversial."
Often found: In the library, poring over tomes of philosophy and beat fiction or developing theoretical fixes for every economical problem and international conflict.
iPod playlist: Jack Kerouac Reads On the Road. A lot of bands you haven't heard of.
Key words: "Anthropology," "semiotics," "ennui," "ignorant."
Pros: Will tell you his philosophy of life.
Cons: Will tell you his philosophy of life.
How to bluff: Share your plans for a post-college trip to India under the influence of DMT and Nietzsche. Ask to borrow his copy of The Stranger and comment on his notes.

3. The Sorority Princess

Blond hair
Parents' credit card
Grande, skinny, no-whip, vanilla latte
Bag emblazoned with sorority letters
Chanel sunglasses
Hard Tail yoga pants (though never seen
coming to or from yoga)

Common questions: "Can I put that on my card?" or [in awestruck tone] "You do your own laundry?"
Academic habits: Attends class for purely social reasons. Otherwise skips to go shopping for sunglasses, art supplies or, if it's rush season, friends.
Often found: Traveling in packs, typically three to 18 deep.
iPod playlist: A whole playlist of Adele remixes, Nicki Minaj, Bruno Mars, Eminem, and the Script.
Key words: "Like," "sorostitute," "box wine."
Pros: Has been in a protective, upper-middle-class bubble so long she will not challenge you with reality.
Cons: Strains and elevates her voice to match the standard sorority pitch. Easily bored or annoyed.
How to bluff: Ask her if she's a natural blonde, or if she knows of any good coffee shops.

4. The Star Athlete

Aura of superiority
Entire wardrobe dictated by the athletic department

Common questions: "What's the score?" and "Did we have a test last week?"
Academic habits: Sometimes comes to class just to see what it's like, leaving as soon as he's consumed the two Muscle Milks and three Clif Bars he has in his backpack.
Often found: Travels only with other athletes, or within rotating clouds of groupies.
iPod playlist: Rick Ross, "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor, any generic rap or hard rock.
Key words: "Protein," "sweats," "practice."
Pros: Hang with him at the bar and you won't wait in lines or pay for drinks.
Cons: Won't hang with you at the bar.
How to bluff: Just steer away from mentioning the fact that only a very small percentage of college athletes are able to make a career out of their sport.

5. The Stoner

College Guide
We welcome user discussion on our site, under the following guidelines:

To comment you must first create a profile and sign-in with a verified DISQUS account or social network ID. Sign up here.

Comments in violation of the rules will be denied, and repeat violators will be banned. Please help police the community by flagging offensive comments for our moderators to review. By posting a comment, you agree to our full terms and conditions. Click here to read terms and conditions.
comments powered by Disqus