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Savage Love: Senior Kinkster

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“Tell her what turns you on,” says Price. “Whisper your fantasies into her ear, share erotica or porn featuring your favorite activities. Solicit her fantasies about dominating you, if she has them, or suggest some scenes to her and see what she responds to. Once she’s ready and willing, start with small steps rather than full-blown scenes, so she can ease into this new world.”

And if all goes well—if Mel isn’t traumatized or disgusted by BDSM sex, if she enjoys dominating you or is GGG enough to go there for you on a regular basis—don’t be a stupid, selfish kinkster, WHIP. By which I mean to say: Don’t neglect Mel’s desire for vanilla sex. If it helps to think of vanilla sex as a horrible ordeal that you have to submit to—vanilla is a service you provide to Mel, your Dom, because you’re a good slave—then ask Mel to order you to have vanilla sex.

As for books, WHIP, both Price and I recommend The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge (Cleis Press, 2012), an informative collection of essays by a diverse group of writers that was edited by the indispensable Tristan Taormino. And if you’re hoping Mel will join you at public fetish events—parties and contests and street festivals—get her a copy of Mollena Williams and Lee Harrington’s Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities.

Joan Price blogs about sex and aging at NakedAtOurAge.com. Follow her on Twitter @JoanPrice.

I’m a bisexual or pansexual or omnisexual—or whatever the kids are calling us these days—woman in a monogamish marriage to a great, GGG straight man. Both of us are in our early 30s. Since getting married, we’ve traveled around the world and done whatever the hell we wanted. It was a crazy, exciting life, but we decided it was time to stop living paycheck to paycheck, so we came back to the States.

We recently bought a house, and we were planning to have a kid next year. But now my husband says that he’s not ready. He says there are things he wants to do that he will never ever get to do if we have kids now. I asked him for a time frame, and he said that he couldn’t answer that. What he has said to me is: “We’ve always said we’d never be one of those couples that stop adventuring because we have a nest and kids and stuff.” This might be a deal breaker for me. I want to be a mom. I’m ready. I don’t want my husband to feel resentment that he never got to live the life he wanted—more travel? More crazy sexual adventures?—because I stuck him with a kid, but at the same time, he can’t even give me a time frame. I love him dearly. He’s my best friend, he’s hot, he’s a wonderful person and funny as hell. They don’t make many men like him. What should I do?
—Childless H

First, get to a couples counselor.

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