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Savage Love: Old but alive

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Breaking in again: Yes, yes, yes! Hire someone! You’re 70 years old, and you’ve been waiting 50 years to get in your cousin’s bloomers. Young couples complain about how hard it is to find a willing third – they’re called “unicorns” for a reason – and forgive me for being ageist, but time is not on your side. Hire someone immediately – and hire someone older, and someone who has been in the field for a while (look for reviews online), as they’re less likely to rip you off or play you.

“As for getting a disease,” concluded Price, “you will use safer-sex practices with either a paid escort or a new friend – that’s a given! Don’t even consider otherwise.”

Breaking in one last time: Use condoms, Gramps, even if there’s no risk of pregnancy, as condoms decrease your risk for contracting – or passing along – many STIs. (People always talk about sex workers as if they’re the source of all STIs. But where do sex workers get STIs? From their clients.) But there’s no way to eliminate the risk. You have to decide if the possible risk of contracting an STI is worth the certain reward of a three-way with your cousin. And I think we both know the answer to that question.

Dear Readers: There was a little miscommunication during the production of this week's column—and the fault is entirely mine. Joan Price thought OBA was a woman. Price didn't think she was advising an opposite-sex couple to go to a lesbian bar, but a female couple. I knew that OBA was a man because I saw OBA's email address and his name. I don't pass along names and email addresses when I share reader's questions with guest experts so Price didn't have that information in front of her. I should've made it clear to Price that OBA was a man—at the very least I should've checked in with Price after reading her response. My apologies to Price!

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