Trending
MOST READ
Andrew Weissman poised to open The Luxury in addition to two more restaurants

Andrew Weissman poised to open The Luxury in addition to two more restaurants

Food & Drink: In the last few years, San Antonio has seen an exponential rise in the number of quality restaurant offerings, several of... By Diana Roberts 2/27/2013
How Weed Advocates Hope to Spark Legalization in Texas

How Weed Advocates Hope to Spark Legalization in Texas

News: Less than a mile from the Whatcom County Courthouse and even closer to Bellingham High School sits Top Shelf Cannabis, the first store to open and operate after... By Mark Reagan 8/13/2014
Hall & Oates Singer Hated the Late ’80s, Too

Hall & Oates Singer Hated the Late ’80s, Too

Music: It’s hard for musical duos to survive. Garfunkel felt slighted, Cher never needed Sonny and the Captain could never get a word in edgewise with Tennile. When... By Chris Parker 2/19/2014
Phô Nguyen Woos Phonatics

Phô Nguyen Woos Phonatics

Food & Drink: I don’t expect much from Vietnamese restaurants in the way of decor; it’s more not Chinese and not Japanese than anything. I certainly don’t expect... By Ron Bechtol 8/27/2014
Hot Joy’s Here to Stay

Hot Joy’s Here to Stay

Food & Drink: Since its inception more than two years ago as one of the first true pop-ups in the city, Hot Joy’s been a hit. Maybe it was the The Monterey’s... By Jessica Elizarraras 5/28/2014
Calendar

Search hundreds of restaurants in our database.

Search hundreds of clubs in our database.

Follow us on Instagram @sacurrent

Print Email

Arts & Culture

Savage Love: Moist Toilette

Photo: , License: N/A


Follow Dr. Herbenick on Twitter @DebbyHerbenick.

You always take questions from BDSMers and cuckolds and other hardcore sexers, but will you take mine? I plead with you! Won’t you please offer some advice for me, a simple heterosexual girl having problems with her heterosexual male?!? My boyfriend always closes and locks the door behind him when he pees. It hurts my feelings! Being a part of his pissing experience would turn me on and arouse me! He claims he does this because he is pee shy. But he pees in public restrooms in front of other men! So if he knows that I like it, and if the issue isn’t about being pee shy, then why can’t he pee in front of me?!? Why is he “NO GIRLS ALLOWED” about this?!? I would be grateful for your advice on how to get him to relax with his peeing moments a little more because I’m BORED. Thanks!
—Personally Insulted Since Sexy Entrance Denied

You’re just a simple heterosexual girl who wants to be part of her boyfriend’s “pissing experience” because that would turn you on—nothing kinky or hardcore about that, no sir. You’re just after some old-fashioned, all-American, plain-vanilla voyeuristic piss play.

I’m not sure there’s anything I could say here that would persuade your boyfriend to include you in his pissing experience. If knowing that it would make his piss-freak girlfriend insanely horny doesn’t motivate a guy to unlock the door and let her watch, PISSED, he’s unlikely to be convinced by some gay dude with an advice column. (But just in case: Hey, PISSED’s BF! Open the damn door!) So if watching your boyfriend piss is really that important to you, PISSED, you’ll have to get a new boyfriend or start following the one you’ve got into public restrooms.

Longtime reader, first-time letter writer. My 13-year-old stepson leaves his spooch on the goddamn toilet seat. How do I tell him to clean up after himself? I don’t know how he gets it on the toilet seat! Logistically, it baffles me!
—Step-Parent Ain’t Not Kleaning Spooch

That word you keep using—spooch—I don’t think it means what you think it means. Spooch is not slang for ejaculate, SPANKS, but it could be the world’s worst name for a dog. No, no, no: The word you want is spooge. And I don’t think your sign-off means what you think it means, either. Putting a “not” after that ungrammatical “ain’t” means you’re anxious to clean your stepson’s spooge off that goddamn toilet seat.

On to your questions…

Logistics: Your stepson faces the toilet seat as he would when he pees and has himself a wank. He thinks he’s destroying the evidence when he flushes, SPANKS, but he’s obviously missing the drop or two that land on the toilet seat. Teenage boys are not famous for their attention to detail or for cleaning up after themselves. Replacing your white toilet seat with a black one might help your stepson notice that flushing isn’t enough.

Recently in Arts & Culture
We welcome user discussion on our site, under the following guidelines:

To comment you must first create a profile and sign-in with a verified DISQUS account or social network ID. Sign up here.

Comments in violation of the rules will be denied, and repeat violators will be banned. Please help police the community by flagging offensive comments for our moderators to review. By posting a comment, you agree to our full terms and conditions. Click here to read terms and conditions.
comments powered by Disqus