Trending
MOST READ
Coming Out in College, A Survival Guide

Coming Out in College, A Survival Guide

News: Ah, college! Whether you’re new to a local campus this semester or you’ve been before, there’s something about the teeming... By Richard Farias 9/3/2014
What Do You Get A 1-Year-Old NDO? Enforcement

What Do You Get A 1-Year-Old NDO? Enforcement

News: This week marks a year since the San Antonio City Council amended its 20-year-old non-discrimination ordinance to include gender identity, gender orientation... By Mark Reagan 9/3/2014
4 Downtown Dive Bars to Embarrass Yourself In

4 Downtown Dive Bars to Embarrass Yourself In

City Guide 2014: In the last few years, San Antonio has made great strides when it comes to its mixology doings. Many good (and some great!) cocktail bars have been springing... By Tim Hennessey 2/24/2014
Free Things to Do: Kid-friendly

Free Things to Do: Kid-friendly

Free Guide: It’s almost summer, which means that your government-subsidized free daycare (aka public school) goes on hiatus thanks to an archaic allegiance to a rural agriculture economic system that hasn’t been in play for decades. What to do with the wee ones whining 5/21/2014
Beaches Be Trippin\': Five Texas Coast Spots Worth the Drive

Beaches Be Trippin': Five Texas Coast Spots Worth the Drive

Arts & Culture: Let’s face it, most of us Lone Stars view the Texas coast as a poor man’s Waikiki. Hell, maybe just a poor man’s Panama Beach — only to be used... By Callie Enlow 7/10/2013
Calendar

Search hundreds of restaurants in our database.

Search hundreds of clubs in our database.

Follow us on Instagram @sacurrent

Print Email

Arts & Culture

Savage Love: Lotion Up

Photo: , License: N/A


My girlfriend always responds positively when I initiate sex with her, but she hardly ever initiates sex with me. I’m a no-beat-around-the-bush kind of guy, but I realize that this can be a sensitive topic, and I don’t want to scare her by saying, “Please initiate sex more often!” So I do small things to coax her and let her know that I want her to initiate. I will lotion up in front of her after we shower. Or I’ll say something like “I wanted to fuck last night—maybe you can wear one of your sexy bras and thongs one day soon?” But it hasn’t worked. The only time she’ll initiate is if I haven’t initiated for a while and she’s sexually frustrated. But that can take days!
—Girlfriend Rarely Initiates Naked Dance

Wow, GRIND, your girlfriend is pretty fucking dense. I’m surprised she remembers to breathe in her sleep.

I mean, she actually heard you say, “I wanted to fuck last night—maybe you can wear one of your sexy bras and thongs one day soon?” and somehow didn’t realize that what you meant was “Please initiate sex more often.” And she’s seen you smearing lotion on yourself after showering and somehow didn’t realize that you wanted her to start initiating sex once in a while. Amazing. A boyfriend smearing lotion on himself—who doesn’t know what that means?

Um. Yeah. No.

Sorry, GRIND, but you’re the dense one in this relationship. “I wanted to fuck last night—maybe you can wear one of your sexy bras and thongs one day soon?” does not auto-translate to “Please initiate sex more often.” The likely takeaway from that statement is “I wanted to fuck last night, but the granny panties/pajama bottoms/hazmat Spanx you were wearing were such a turnoff that I couldn’t get it up. You suck at this girlfriend shit.” And while seeing your boyfriend “lotion up” after a shower may inspire lust, it doesn’t communicate a very specific need like “Please initiate sex more often.” The only thing it communicates for sure is “My boyfriend isn’t going to put up with dry skin.”

You want your girlfriend to initiate sex more often? Tell her you want her to initiate sex more often. Trust me, GRIND, that straightforward request will display more sensitivity to your girlfriend’s feelings—and will be less crazy-making—than a potentially confidence-shredding statement like “Hey, I wanted to fuck you last night but you were wearing the wrong panties,” or the conspicuous application of skin moisturizer.

But even if you’re straight with her, GRIND, things are unlikely to change. She initiates when she’s horny/sexually frustrated, but she obviously has a lower libido than you do and gets horny/sexually frustrated at intervals that leave you frustrated. Your desire for her cranks her up, so she’s good to go when you initiate. But she’s satisfied with less sex—she has a lower libido—and is unlikely to feel the urge to initiate as often as you would like her to regardless.

I’m a 21-year-old female college student going to school on the East Coast. Two days ago, I broke up with my manipulative, controlling, insecure, long-distance boyfriend of one year. I truly care for this man, but I need to live my life the way I want to, and that wasn’t possible in this relationship. The problem is, he’s been leaving voice mails, texting and e-mailing me threatening suicide. I’ve told his mother about this, but I don’t think she’s taking it seriously. I feel horrible, but I don’t want to talk to him because I refuse to get sucked back into his problems. How can I deal with this serious threat without getting personally involved?
—Single And Worried

Recently in Arts & Culture
We welcome user discussion on our site, under the following guidelines:

To comment you must first create a profile and sign-in with a verified DISQUS account or social network ID. Sign up here.

Comments in violation of the rules will be denied, and repeat violators will be banned. Please help police the community by flagging offensive comments for our moderators to review. By posting a comment, you agree to our full terms and conditions. Click here to read terms and conditions.
comments powered by Disqus