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Savage Love: Disclosing

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“There is absolutely no legal duty to disclose trans status,” added Levasseur. “A person’s trans status is ‘excruciatingly private’ and constitutionally protected information. There are lots of reasons why trans people might be stealth (or not out) like Marcus—for example, the terrifying rate of violence against trans people or the overwhelming statistics of discrimination. But I think disclosure is a good idea early on because it allows people to love you for who you are. Why not know that the person you are getting close to wants you? All of you. Don’t you want to find that out pretty early on? There are many people out there who think trans men are the ideal guys. Don’t waste your time on anyone else.”

OK, NCA, let’s say you’ve explored your feelings and you’ve decided that you don’t want to keep seeing Marcus. Does that make you a bigot?

“It’s OK to have a preference—no judgment there,” said Levasseur. “If trans guys are not her thing, no harm done. I would just hope she is kind when she lets Marcus go. From what she says, it sounds like he wants to convince her to want him or love him, and no one should be in the business of doing that. Everyone deserves to be loved because, not although.”

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