Free Will Astrology

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In her book "Jung and Tarot," Sallie Nichols notes that the sixteenth card in most Tarot decks portrays lightning as a hostile force: "jagged, zigzag strokes that slash across the sky like angry teeth." But there's one deck, the Marseilles Tarot, that suggests a kinder, gentler lightning. The yellow and red phenomenon descending from the heavens resembles a giant feather duster; it looks like it would tickle and clean rather than burn. I suspect you'll be visited by a metaphorical version of this second kind of lightning sometime soon, Virgo. Prepare to be tickled and cleaned!

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Years ago, "bastard" was a derisive term for a child born to unmarried parents. It reflected the conventional moral code, which regarded a "birth out of wedlock" as scandalous. But I think we can safely say that this old dogma has been officially retired. According to recent statistics compiled by the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), over 40 percent of the kids born in the U.S. are to unmarried mothers. Just goes to show you that not all forbidden acts remain forbidden forever. What was unthinkable or out of bounds or not allowed at one time may evolve into what's normal. I bring this up, Libra, because it's an excellent time for you to divest yourself of a certain taboo that's no longer necessary or meaningful.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): While trekking up Mount Katahdin in Maine, naturalist Henry David Thoreau had a "mountain-top experience" that moved him to observe, "I stand in awe of my body." You're due for a similar splash of illumination, Scorpio. The time is right for you to arrive at a reverent new appreciation for the prodigious feats that your physical organism endlessly performs for you. What could you do to encourage such a breakthrough? How can you elevate your love for the flesh and blood that houses your divine spark?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): How do you like your caviar? Do you prefer it to be velvety and smooth, or would you rather have it be full of strong, fishy taste? If it's the first option, beluga caviar is your best option. If the second, sevruga should be your favorite. What? You say you never eat caviar? Well, even if you don't, you should regard the choice between types of caviar as an apt metaphor for the coming week. You can either have velvety smoothness or a strong taste, but not both. Which will it be? Set your intention.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "Dear Astrology Guy: I have been reading your horoscopes since I was 19. For a while, I liked them. They were fun riddles that made me think. But now I've soured on them. I'm sick and tired of you asking me to transform myself. You just keep pushing and pushing, never satisfied, always saying it's time to improve myself or get smarter or fix one of my bad habits. It's too much! I can't take it any more! Sometimes I just want to be idle and lazy. Your horoscopes piss me off! - Crabby Capricorn." Dear Crabby: I've got some good news. In the coming week, you are completely excused from having to change anything about yourself or your life. Stay exactly the same! Be frozen in time. Resist the urge to tinker. Take a vacation from life's relentless command to evolve.