Free Will Astrology

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Urbandictionary.com defines "Skymall solution" as "an absurdly single-purposed tool or solution that solves a problem you don't actually have." The term is derived from the famous Skymall catalog, which sells unusual specialty products. According to my analysis of the current astrological omens, you should be wary of any attraction you might have to Skymall solutions. Do you really need a King Tut tissue box cover or an ice cube tray that makes ice in the shape of dachshunds or a stencil set for putting messages on your bundt cake? I doubt it. Nor do you need their metaphorical equivalents.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Right before I woke up this morning, I had a dream that one of my teeth fell out. As I lay there groggily in bed, my mind searched for its meaning. "What does losing a tooth symbolize?" I asked myself. "What is its psychological meaning?" I promised myself that when I got up, I would google that question. But my rumination was interrupted by a dull ache in the back of my mouth, and it was only then that I remembered: Yesterday, in actual waking life, I had a real tooth yanked out by a real dentist. The moral of the story, Libra: Be wary of making up elaborate stories and mythic assumptions about events that have simple, mundane explanations.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): This is an excellent time to explore the frontiers of wise foolishness. I'm hoping you will take full advantage of learning opportunities that might require you to shed your excess dignity and acknowledge how much you don't know. Are you brave enough to disavow cynical thoughts and jaded attitudes that muffle your lust for life? Are you smart enough to understand how healthy it would be to go out and play like an innocent wild child? Make yourself available for delightful surprises.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Zombies used to be terrifying. But then they became a featured motif in pop culture, often in humorous contexts, and now there's a growing acceptance and even affection for them. Here's the view of Max Brooks, author of The Zombie Survival Guide: "Eventually rock and roll morphs from Sid Vicious to the Jonas Brothers. Same thing with vampires: We went from Dracula to Twilight to make them peachy and G-rated. I guarantee you someone is working on a way to take the fear out of zombies and market them to children." Your assignment, Sagittarius, is to do to your personal fears what the entertainment industry has done to zombies: Turn them into amusing caricatures that don't trouble you so much. For example, visualize an adversary singing a duet with Justin Bieber.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "You must learn from the mistakes of others," said humorist Sam Levenson. "You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself." That's excellent advice for you right now, Capricorn. In order to glean the teachings you need most, you won't have to bumble through a single wrong turn or bad decision yourself. There will be plenty of blundering role models who will be providing you with the precise inspiration you need. Study them carefully.