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Free Will Astrology

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LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Enigmatology” is an infrequently-used word that means the study of puzzles and how to solve them. I’m invoking it now to highlight the fact that you need to call on some unusual and idiosyncratic and possibly even farfetched resources as you intensify your efforts to solve the puzzles that are spread out before you. The help you’ve called on in the past just won’t be enough for this new round of gamesmanship. The theories and beliefs and strategies that have brought you this far can’t take you to the next stage.

 

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): This would not be a good time for you to read the book called The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Enhancing Self-Esteem. In fact, it will never be the right time to read it. While it’s true that at this juncture in your life story you can make exceptional progress in boosting your confidence and feeling positive about yourself, you’re not an idiot and you don’t need idiot-level assistance. If there was a book called The Impish Guide to Accessing and Expressing Your Idiosyncratic Genius, I’d definitely recommend it. Likewise a book titled The Wild-Eyed Guide to Activating Your Half-Dormant Potential or The Brilliant Life-Lover’s Guide to Becoming a Brilliant Life-Lover.

 

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “When I was born,” said comedian Gracie Allen, “I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” I suspect you will soon be experiencing a metaphorical rebirth that has some of the power of the event she was referring to. And so I won’t be shocked if you find it challenging to formulate an articulate response, at least in the short term. In fact, it may take you a while to even register, let alone express, the full impact of the upgrade you will be blessed with.

 

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “During a game of Apocalypse against the Witchhunters,” reports Andrew_88 in an online forum, “I authorized my Chaos Lord to throw his vortex grenade at the oncoming Cannoness and her bodyguard. Safe to say he fluffed it and the vortex grenade scattered back on top of him. Then he proceeded to take out my allies, the Havocs, Land Raider, and Baneblade, before disappearing, having done no damage to my opponent.” I suggest you regard this as a helpful lesson to guide your own actions in the coming days, Scorpio. Do not, under any circumstances, unleash your Chaos Lord or let him throw his vortex grenade at anyone. He could damage your own interests more than those of your adversaries.

 

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): According to my analysis of the astrological omens, it’s high time for you to receive a flood of presents, compliments, rewards, and blessings. You got a problem with that? I hope not. I hope you are at peace with the fact that you deserve more than your usual share of recognition, appreciation, flirtations, and shortcuts. Please, Sagittarius? Please don’t let your chronic struggles or your cynical views of the state of the world blind you to the sudden, massive influx of luck. Pretty please open your tough heart and skeptical mind to the bounty that the universe is aching to send your way.

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