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Last Words

Artist Gary Sweeney interviews himself... and finds irreconcilable differences. (Tweezers may be called for.)

Photo: Gary Sweeney, License: N/A

Gary Sweeney

Laughing at his own expense: Gary Sweeny and Gary Sweeny.


Would you trade five years off your life to be able to surf like World Champion Kelly Slater?
Oh, absolutely. I wouldn't stop there, either. I would trade five years to be able to draw like Vincent Valdez, paint like Lloyd Walsh or Alex Rubio, take photos like Rick Hunter, pour bronzes like Ken Little, play guitar like my friend Todd Robinson, or sing like Michael Bublé. Okay, definitely not that that last one.

You seem to be a man of many skills: you juggle, do magic tricks, ride a unicycle, skateboard — is there anything you can't do?
Um … ovulate? Actually, my "skills," as you call them, are those of your average circus clown. When it comes to actual adult skills, like organizing a household, doing taxes, being responsible, I'm terrible. Fortunately, my wife is an expert.

If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, with whom would it be?
Someone living. God, you ask stupid questions. C

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